im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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