"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
