Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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