I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
