So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
