My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
