I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
