In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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