Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
