Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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