Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
