I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
