Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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