the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
