Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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