So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
