Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
