Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
