He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
