I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
this hospital has no fireball
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
