Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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