i need an iv and a liver transplant
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
