Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize