oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
