Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
