You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
