He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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