I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
