I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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