Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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