someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
