Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
