Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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