Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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