im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
