Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh god it's open bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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