You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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