At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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