The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
