You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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