my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
