So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
