Jerry, you need to find god
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You took a bar mat shot.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
