My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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