i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
