Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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