Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
