Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
