I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
