yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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