You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
