I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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