ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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