I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
