who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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