how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
