I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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