Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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