Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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