I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
