oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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