she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
