He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
