R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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