i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.