I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.