So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
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Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.