i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
