a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.