We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before