i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later