fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.