I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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