I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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