Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize