dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
