she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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