Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
